you’re the one, i have decided who’s one of my kind

i think everyone’s weird. people in general are weird. we have random customs and ideas about the world. look at our daily routines..there are so many bizarre, unnecessary things that we do.  who was the person who decided what “normal” was? in my experience, the most “normal” person is the one who’s best at hiding their true weirdness. and even that can be considered weird because then they aren’t being themselves. so who was given the right to put a label on how the world acts? i want to meet them and have a serious talk with them.  no one should be able to do that. it just started up all the judgements and criticisms of everyone else. now, whenever we meet someone who isn’t “normal” by our standards, they’re “weird.” why? we should all just be able to accept things for what they are. but no. that’s just too difficult for us to do. and we manage to judge everything. and the majority of the time it can be without knowing a single thing about it. people. music. clothes. houses. animals. habits. food. speech. ideas. the list goes on. it’s ridiculous. i think everyone needs to work on it. myself included.

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where are you going?

why are people stupid? why are kids so easily influenced? why does bad have to be in the world? why do things have to change? why do people have to surprise you with who they are? why can’t things just ever stay real? why does summer have to end? why does school have to start? why does the world have to be so complicated? why do kids have to be cool? why are situations awkward? why do people make situations awkward? why does 2009 have to end? why do we have to get older? why can’t things live up to expectations? why do there have to be disappointments? why can’t everyone be honest? why can’t there just be happy endings? why can’t we all just live in a cliche teen novel? why do we all have to leave? why do we have to start our own separate lives? how are we supposed to figure out the world on our own? what happens if we fail? why can’t we know what’s going to happen? why do relationships have to change? what are we doing here?

current thoughts: perks of being a wallflower. yeah.

i have no answers for you

It happens so suddenly.
We are going about our own mundane tasks when-
a phrase of music, a shaft of sunlight on a snowy roof,
a handful of yellow butterflies,
or the arc of a bird diving to the earth, pierces us.
For one brief moment,
we are lifted out of our daily routine
into the untold realms of light and beauty.
Then the moment is gone.
We are back on Earth-but we are not the same.
i wish i could do that.

current thoughts: speech. wordings. music.

what is wrong here?

so there’s this pretty cool poem i found. well no, i saw it and googled it. it’s technically in haunting of connecticut, but its an old folk rhyme, so i’m going to ignore the fact they used it in that movie. here goes:

One fine day in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back they faced eachother,
Drew their swords and shot eachother.
                                                                                
One was blind and the other couldn’t see,
So they chose a dummy for the referee.
A blind man came to see fair play,
A dumb man went to shout “Hurray!”
                                                                          
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
And came to arrest the two dead boys.
If you don’t believe this story’s true,
Ask the blind man, he saw it too.

yeah. so i thought that was cool. all the oxymorons and contradictions in there. basically every line has at least one thing wrong with it. and in this case, dumb means they can’t speak, in case anyone was wondering.. not dumb as in stupid, that just wouldn’t make sense. ok well it’s currently 3:42 AM. i need to force myself to sleep now. peace out.

current thoughts: insomnia. diets. poems. plans.

back to the street where we began

everything’s changed alot. i don’t think everyone notices it while it’s happening..but looking back it’s clear and definitely noticeable. even in the past year almost every aspect of my life has changed dramatically. it’s scary. a year back, i wasn’t friends with the majority of the friends i have now. i didn’t even know some of the ones who’ve managed to become my best, closest friends. in 8th i had three “friends” who made up our group i guess. we weren’t really that close, and that was tested when summer came and we weren’t able to get by seeing eachother in school every day. that summer, i think i was with my “friends” once. out of the entire three months, i hung out with them one singular time. at the time, i was really only close with one of my friends. and the year previous to that i would never have thought we’d end up such good friends. she was a flirt and flirted it up with my boyfriend every day in science class(;. but that got put behind us once we figured out how much we had in common. and luckily it worked out. even now she’s one of my best friends and i couldn’t be happier wth how that worked out. but seriously, how can we possibly know how things are going to change in the future? i kindof don’t want things to change. i’m content with the friends i have and the things we do. sure, i have three best friends, and i guess that can get a little annoying when everyone’s not around. but i can’t think of any other three people i could relate to like them. we all like the same music, we’re all weird, we’re all losers. it’s what we do, it’s who we are and we’ve all accepted it and moved on. i love being around them and i love that we can talk about anything and everything. and oh boy do we.  the things we do are fun and ridiculous and couldn’t be weirder. we write letters. we make movies. we eat. we eat more. we play dressup. we talk. we swim. we skinny dip. we hang out. we write letters. we sit in silence. we plan. we share music. we watch movies. we make huge ridiculous lists about things we want to do in the future. it’s fun and entertaining and it just feels amazing when we get together and come up with some random idea of what we should do that day. but who knows how long that can last? sure, maybe through highschool. but then what after that? we’re all going to be going to college and it’ll be nearly impossible to get together if we all happen to be on opposite corners of the country. and then after that? we all have to fend for ourselves. provide for ourselves and eventually our own families. that’s intimidating. the world’s intimidating. the real world? it’s hard enough being in our little contained environment of highschool and guilford. who wants to go out and deal with all the problems in the world? no one. everyone says “oh i can’t wait to get out of this stupid town.” but we still have a while to go. and when the time finally comes when we do leave, not everyone who said that to start will be feeling the same way. feeling so confident. no way.

current thoughts:  the future. concerts. friends. change.

fickle, fuddle words confuse me

so i don’t think i’m a very good writer. one of my friends is though. she’s basically one of the best writers i’ve ever met. even though she thinks that recently it’s not very good? it is. even the depressed feelings that she writes about. it’s all wonderful. and some of the older stuff, pre-drama, is amazing. it’s so thoughtful and inspiring. i love it. i’m jealous. i wish i could write like that. but, i guess that’ll just never happen. i think drawings more what i do. when she gets mad she writes and vents. i draw something. i never noticed before, but drawing and writing are somewhat similar. you use a pen and paper to show what your feeling. the finished product of both are always up for interpretation. but still. they’re different. just because your good at writing, you may not be a very good artist. and viceversa. i don’t know. it’s interesting. the feeling when you finish a good picture though, is awesome. especially when it takes foreverr and then all that work you put into it is rewarded. for example? my picture of taylor. yes, i did draw a picture of one of my best friends. and nonetheless, at around 1 in the morning. but i mean, what else is there to do? sleep? pshh right. well anyway. at about 2, i stopped and it was pretty much finished. i had done pretty much every single detail of her face about 100 times. it was ridiculous. and then this morning i did her mouth again and her ear. but you know what? it was completely worth it. it looks good and i’m excited to show it to her. it was a fun experience. even though it may not really look like her? i want to ask someone to tell me who i drew to see if it looks even remotely like her. if someone got it, it would just about make my day.

current thoughts: art. school. realisticness. friends.

lalalala

so it’s been a while.. let’s see. i just got home, tonight, around 9:30ish? and i’ve basically been on the computer for the past 2 and a half hours. i’ve talked to 2 different people on the phone. and its midnight currently. i’m cool? sure. umm martha’ s vineyard was fun i guess, although it got a little boring. same people. small house. only so much you can do. yeah. i love when i get play-by-plays of the digusting ridiculous things boys do. oh dear. flirty boys and alcohol. clearly not a good mix. but at least it’s entertaining for us. honestly? i cant see the point of getting drunk and then making a completee fool of yourself. why? who knows.. hmm alright well school starts in about a week..how is that possible? this summer went by so fast. but really i’m looking forward to the new school year. it’s exciting. seeing everyone. homecoming. holidays. it should be fun. of course there will be shit that happens inbetween, but that’s expected. and we get through it all. i have a bunch of classes with friends..and some not friends but that’s alright too. my goal this year is to eat healthier and workout and lose  weight with my good friend taylor. it may not be easy? but it’s a mission and we’ll get it at some point. we’re gonna food-monitor and go to the gym at least twice a week after school. i’m excited? yeah. it should be interesting.

so i think i’m gonna list my goals for this year, or school year:

  • be healthier
  • lose at least 5 lbs with taylor
  • make more friends, other than the 3 best ones i already have
  • find new music
  • work on wearing cuter clothes, or just work harder on my clothes in general
  • be with my friends and complete all of our cliched holiday plans
  • get a new phone
  • work harder in school
  • talk out issues that havent been resolved yet
  • be nicer to my family

alright. well i guess that’s all i’ve got so far. i’ll continue later, after i’ve pondered some more. here ya go tay(:

enthralling current thoughts: food. exercise. friends. the future.

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