there’s something in the air tonight

i don’t know why i can’t be satisfied. i have so much to be happy and thankful for. but i want more. i expect more. you are wonderful. you listen to me. you put up with my friends and all of our crazy anctics. you tell me you love me. you tell me goodnight almost every night. you hold my hand. you make me laugh. you don’t push. you talk to me all the time. you let me lie all over you. you play with my hand. my family loves you. my dog enjoys your company more than mine. you tell me i’m right, even when i’m just being annoying. you let me do what i want. you say cute things, and you don’t care if you sounds stupid. you let me wear your clothes. you would let me keep your clothes forever. you checked on me when i was sick. you remembered our “anniversary”? monthiversary is lame.. you never actually get mad at me. you’re just about perfect.

and yet? why do i always pick at the things that aren’t perfect to obsess about. i keep running them over and over in my head until i’m ready to explode. when you don’t call. when i don’t talk to you. when i don’t see you. when you don’t seem to be into a conversation. and then i’ll compare it with everything else. and i just feel like crap. what’s wrong with me? why do i do this? i hate it and i want it to stop. i want everything to be good. i want everything to keep being perfect. i can’t handle any changes.

current thoughts: goodbyes. sickness. halloween costumes.


all the right friends, all the right faces

i have not written a blog in a while. this upsets me. but not very much has been going on in my life because i have not even left my house since wednesday, and that was to go to the doctor. so i have no real news, ideas, words to share. sorry people.

today though, i get to go to the movies with my three best friends..and probably some guys. but what can you do? i personally want to see WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE. but i was outvoted. freaks. paranormal activity over that? ridiculous. but yeah. i understand why you want to go. i do. i got it.

current thoughts: movies. sickness. anniversaries.

through the fire and rain

so i officially am infected with the swine flu. or H1N1. whatever floats ya boat. i went to the doctor’s today. got a flu test, and it was positive. now. they technically do not test for swine, but the seasonal flu has not yet come out, SO they said i could basically be guaranteed that i have swine. plus, to actually get legitimately tested for H1N1, you must go to the state and take their test. but seriously? who’s going to do that. um no one. right. so now i’m home from school for the rest of the week and i am unable to do anything this weekend. such as SEEING WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE. yep. it’s not happening. awesome. i also think i probably infected about 50 people yesterday. two being because i purposely coughed on them. so i apologize. i wasn’t aware i had the pandemic!

anyway. i didn’t just want to write a blog on my ongoing sickness. although it does suck. um let’s see. homecoming was last weekend. it was fun. i rated it about a 8.5 out of 10. that’s pretty good. yeah i got dressed up. did my hair 5 times. danced like a shameless fool. and i didn’t completely embarass myself, which is always a plus. and i had a wonderful date/boyfriend. because he actually fills both of those catagories. yeah, overall it was a fun night. i’m excited for next year(:

current thoughts: sickness. accidents. love.

i’ll look after you

what do you do when the feelings that felt sure and confident have turned into mush. and you’re nervous and anxious and you have no idea at all what to do? i used to feel that i knew what was coming and what i could expect. but not anymore.  i don’t know what you’re thinking, or what you want.  it’s confusing trying to figure out everything that’s going through your head all the time.  things are changing, and i can feel it.  i don’t like it.  i thought you would prove to be different. and i guess you are, but maybe not.  maybe it just took longer for me to figure out who and what you really are.

i miss the way things were. let’s build a time machine.

current thoughts: chorus concerts. procrastination.  changes.

leave your troubles and your worries all behind

so. just so you know (yes you) i do care. and no, you don’t suck at writing. and yes, i have been sitting for the past 10 minutes waiting for you to post a new blog. cause it’s been a while. i like reading new things. they make me feel connected into peoples’ lives. alright anyway. you are not just a loner. and you have friends that truly care about you. and i hope you know that. cause if not, that’s super depressing and terrible. and second. you are a wonderful writer. maybe not when you’re in sucky moods like this, and maybe not when you don’t feel like dealing with the world. but, when you want to be, you’re completely amazing. and you can write some pretty powerful stuff, dude. yeahh that was necessary? um. anyway. forget boys. they suck. there are very select few who can even hold a conversation for more than 5 minutes. and those are hard to find. and the only reason they’re loud is because they think, for some strange reason, that it impresses us. or it impresses their friends. who knows. they’re confusing. who needs them anyway? why are we going away for halloween? because we don’t need to deal with them for that entiree weekend. it’ll be like paradise. thank the lord.

current thoughts: endings. halloween costumes. train rides.

when i’m thinking of you, i feel like anything is possible

i love you. i don’t know if you realize how much i love you. but i do. i always want you to know that. you’re perfect for me. we couldn’t have worked out any better. you couldn’t even comprehend how grateful and happy i am that i found you. and i don’t think anyone can understand how scared i am for any of this to end.

current thoughts: homecoming. fall hikes. hot chocolate.

’cause you can’t play on broken strings

ahh. so i haven’t been on the computer in a while, and i should PROBABLY not be on right now.. considering i’ve got homework to do. but that’s too bad. it’s been way too long. um so i was shoutedout to. so:


i love you so much. you are one of my very best friends, and no one can replace the friendship that we’ve come across. we’ve been friends for so long, we know basically everything about eachother. we can even stay on the phone for an hour talking about nothing and still know what the other’s thinking about. that’s pretty special. you are beautiful and enviously skinny..(ahh tess you make me wanna throw uppp!) kidding. don’t worry, i know that’s obnoxious. you have a gorgeouss voice, and beast piano skills(: i’d be lost without you, seriously i would. haha i know. i counted, and there’s about 11cds from you to me in the past year and a half? ish? we’ve been through so much. different years. different friends. different levels of awkwardness in our lives. its awesome. and thank you, i know you will always be there with me, and know that i’ll be there for you too. i love you.

current thoughts: soccer games. mix cds. snow.

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