melk.

YOU HAVE A DATE YOU FOOL?! lame we’re communicating through blog..isn’t it? when i read that my knee-jerk reaction was to pick up my cell phone and call you. and then i didn’t because i realized i need to finish my spanish project, and i have been procrastinating for a good 3 hours. but. WHAT?! WHO?! WHEN?! HOW?! yeah..we need to have a serious hearttoheart here girl. i miss you. come back into my life. i need my bestfriend back.

i wish i didn’t care about school so much. thinking it over, it would seriously be so much easier if i could be one of those people that barely skates by with some D+ average grades all year, and didn’t give a shit. right? or even level 2 classes. that sounds simply magically. but then i realize that’s not me. and if i ever was to get below a B+ my parents would scold me. and i would feel like a failure. i hate getting B+’s as it is. yeah..i know i know i’m complaining about nothing. it’s just how my brain works. i am literally never satisfied with the work i do for school. unless i get a hundred. and let me tell you, that never EVER happens. i legitimately strive for the day when i get 100 on a biology test. that would make my year worth dying for. until then, i shall be miserable and slowly disintegrating away to nothing but a cramping left hand.

MEXICO. mexico. mexico. mexico. cannot wait. not one bit. and as for all of the stupid dramatic bitches tagging along…i say fuck em. if they want to pull that shit then so be it. all i know is that i’m going for the right reasons. my friends are going for the right reasons. and this is a once in a fucking lifetime experience that will forever change my entire outlook on my own life. how many people get the opportunity to help children who, 8 years ago were eating leaves in the jungle to keep off severe hunger pains? not that many when compared to the population of the world.

it’s almost christmas time. the passing of thanksgiving signals to me the beginning of the real holiday season. everything’s all wintering and red and green and snowflakes are EVERYWHERE. it’s beautiful. i want to get another 9-foot-tall christmas tree and decorate it with my family. and watch my mom put down tarps and yell at us all for tracking those 2 pine needles throughout the house. i say this in jest because we all know the vacuum will be in the room, ready for action. i miss the days when we used to believe in santa claus. sure, some stupid annoying kids are like “yeah, i hate that my parents lied about it.” oh shove off…don’t pretend like the idea of a man traveling around the world to every kid on the earth in one night bringing any present you could ever dream of wasn’t exciting. don’t pretend like you didn’t lovee that feeling of magic on christmas eve. and now it’s gone..and it’s like the excitement of christmas has just disappeared a little bit. i mean sure..i suppose everyone enjoys receiving wonderful gifts wrapped in shiny paper. but remember when you were 6? and you forced yourself to sleep at 8, secretly peeking out the window, trying to get a glimpse of santa’s sleigh, because you thought you could trick him into thinking you were sleeping? remember when you used to stare out the window of the car on christmas eve, looking for rudolph’s shining red nose? remember how ecstatic you were when you walked downstairs and there was a stack of presents there, ready to be opened? and now, think back to last year. you probably went to bed at 11, after being on the computer for an hour. or seeing your friends for the last time before you went away. you probably were somewhat excited to get presents, but you had already told your mom exactly what you wanted, even picked it out when you went to the mall, nothing that exciting. and then, when you walked downstairs, there were the presents. sure, they looked pretty, but you already had a general idea of what they all were, and if you didn’t, they probably weren’t that great. is that really how growing up is? if i was forced to choose, i would rather be stuck in the magical, fairy-tale world of a six-year-old, then just get a check for $300 to be put in my bank account for christmas….

why can’t writing a spanish paper be this easy?

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i’m soooo good at procrastinating

  • i only have three friends, friends who i can talk to about anything and won’t judge me for what i say.
  • i don’t talk to my bestfriend anymore.
  • you’re ridiculous and dramatic. but i still love you. nothing’s wrong. i’m just tired and i hate school.
  • i hate school more than anything else.
  • i get stressed out way to easily.
  • i wish we were still the squad.
  • i think my dog is the only one of my family members who always loves me.
  • i cannot wait to go to mexico. it’s going to be amazing.
  • i would rather drive 20 hours in a crowded bus, sleeping on the floor, than go to hilton head.
  • i wish i did more sports.
  • i always feel fat.
  • i need to eat less.
  • i love you. and i will always love you. no matter what.
  • i cannot wait to go to college and be free of everything.
  • i hate having to use my own money on everything, but i hate taking freebies from my parents to.
  • i wish i had a better perspective of the real world.
  • i wish i knew what other people thought of me.

hahahahah

i love you. i swear on your unborn child’s life.

your chin is fine. stop being so goddamn dramatic.

i’m fine. stop your worrying. and you’re impatient.

give me the best of what’s around

you’re right. everything’s different. i kindof miss how things used to be, though i love how most things are right now. i miss the friends i used to have, mostly because i have about 3 or 4 real friends right now, and it sucks. i have no one to really talk to. no one to truly be able to help me out when i need it most, and no matter how i seem on the outside, i need help. i’m one of those people that will explode if i don’t about what’s going on with me. like right now, it’s killing me. and i have no idea what to do. i just want to curl up in a ball and sleep forever. no school. no friends. no drama. maybe i’ll come out to go to mexico. fundraise a bit. i wish we could just go back. back to the squad. the summer where the four of us were inseparable and we rotated through boys like it was our job. back when things weren’t so serious and school didn’t really matter at all. back when everything was new and exciting and different. back when we were all innocent and naive and wondering about the joys of being an upperclassman, though now the harsh reality is that it sucks. it sucks a lot. so much responsibility. so much work. so much fucking stress. i don’t know how people get through shit. the only thing keeping me going is the idea of the holidays. and winter. and snowboarding. freaking the first time my board touched that snow i was in heaven. nothing better than feeling some powder under a brand-new, factory waxed board, let me tell you. i loved every second of it. i can’t wait to get more. oh god. yeah i ramble late at night.

i miss you. a lot. i don’t know what the fuck happened to us. but we were bestfriends. and now we’re not. and we used to talk about everything, and we would be forced into your damn twin bed. and i would love every second of it. and now w e never talk. and it sucks because remember when we swore we’d be friends all through high school? yeah..what the fack. i just started crying. this is the first time i’ve ever actually come to terms with the fact we really aren’t friends anymore. it sucks yo.

mermermer

i still need to send my check in for mexico because my mom decided to put it off as long as physically possible.

if i don’t get allowed on that trip i’m going to be upset.

i hate school.

i wish

i wasn’t so confused on how to handle my own life. i have no idea what’s going on anymore. i need boundaries defined. i need someone telling me to do my fucking work. i need less things to do. i need a nicer, less insane boss. i need not to worry about things so much. i need to be able to live in vermont and ride all day errday. i need to stop being so selfish. i need to figure shit out.

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